becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys:

I love this ask because it’s such a polite way of going EXPLAIN THAT POST ELANOR

EXPLAIN YOURSELF

EXPLAIN YOUR PEOPLE

I’m not sure if you’re after the history of the thing, or the actual practice of it, since ‘tradition’ could cover either – so, I’ll give you both, and hopefully your answer will be in here somewhere. I will also include more Frightening Images of the Mari Lwyd because you can never have too many horrifying photos of ornery skull-masked winter horse demons to scare the tits off you.

Okay, so. The Mari Lwyd.

Now, the first concrete recorded incidences of the Mari are from the late 1700s/early 1800s, but as with a lot of Welsh history, that’s misleading. We didn’t write a lot of our own shit like this down for much the same reason that Egypt never mentioned where to find Punt, and the English didn’t generally travel into Wales much if they could help it. Given that it seems to fold into a lot of other older traditions, though (the Hooded Animal, the Mast Beast, etc), and those have pre-Christian roots,

I believe there’s a theory that it might have its roots in worshipping Rhiannon, the Welsh version of Epona, the pan-Celtic horse goddess. But there’s no way to be sure. 

The meaning of the name is disputed. It’s generally accepted to mean “Grey Mare”. For a while some people thought it meant “Holy/Blessed Mary”, as in, y’know, the Virgin Mary, but this is no longer accepted because

1. “Llwyd” means grey, not white, and “gwen” is the colour normally used to also mean pure or holy; grey would be more likely to mean venerable/wise, which the Mari Lwyd ain’t;
2. I think there’s reference to ‘Mari’ being used for ‘Mary’ (instead of ‘Mair’) in the Black Book of Carmarthen, so at least since the 14th century, but that was likely only by poets – there’s no record of common folk using it before the Protestants came and reformed everything, so it seems unlikely that it could have been the original name; and
3. As far as I am aware there is no record of the religio-historical figure of the Virgin Mary mounting the donkey’s head on a stick and hammering down the door to the inn with a half-empty bottle of gin in one hand while scream-singing insults at the innkeeper so he’d give her cheese.

So, it’s generally accepted now that the connotations with Christian Marian symbolism are part coincidence and part encouraged among the clergy post-Reformation so that everyone could keep getting blind drunk with a horse’s skull and calling each other a willy. Plus, both Ireland and the Isle of Mann have very old hooded horse traditions too, called the Láir Bhán and the Laare Vane in Irish and Manx respectively. Both meaning, surprise surprise, the “white/grey mare”. Given that Wales and Ireland had a lot of historical interaction, this seems like more than coincidence. 

Plus, you know, it is kind of a grey mare. Bones are white.

It did have other names in some places, mind – I think Carmarthenshire had some weird name for it, like Y March or y Gynfas-Farch, but you mustn’t ever listen to people from West Wales because then there would we be? Calling woodlice ‘pennysawls’ and claiming the word “Wi’n” is an acceptable variation of the verb “to be”, that’s where.

Anyway. Once upon a time, this was seemingly a mid-winter celebration in Wales, which then became a Christmas celebration until the Church went “You’re doing WHAT” and it became New Year instead. But, it did vary when different villages would do it. Some would do it on New Year, some at Christmas, some in that weird week in between when you don’t know if the bins are going out or not… You get the idea. These days, it’s New Year, as a rule.

Now, Europe does have a lot of varying traditions of doing this shit – google ‘mast beast’ for exciting photos. But usually, the beast is made by someone bending over beneath the sheet to make it look, you know, like the beast they’re mimicking. The Mari Lwyd stands out because, alone of all of them, she stands up straight, and is seven feet tall. She is the tallest of all the mast beasts. In a country where the average female height is 5’4", and men not much taller, that makes her fuck-damned enormous.

So, with that out of the way, let me tell you how it goes!

Traditionally, making the Mari is an important part of the whole thing – most villages would have a set skull they’d use, like, but the decoration was a week-long community affair, because as we all know, it would be creepy if you just stuck a skull on a pole oh my god. You have to put ribbons and glass eyes on it! That stops it being creepy! Obviously!

(Also, as a side note, battery-powered fairy lights have been a gift to the Mari Lwyd.)

The skulls, incidentally, were almost always from a beloved village horse who had at some point died at a ripe old age, and then whose skull was taken to live on as the Mari. Most villages knew their names, decades later. Down the Gower peninsula I think there was one account, mind, that they used to bury the skull for the rest of the year, and just dig it up in time for the Mari. But most kept it in a cupboard, like. Next to the sugar. I dunno. An important point, though – the skulls are also rigged so the person inside can snap the jaw, and incidentally, few things in this infinite and wondrous existence are as creepy and low-key primally unnerving as hearing ten of these things around you snapping in the dark, just btw, just fyi.

Anyway; you’ve spent a week decorating! (Although these days they’re kept pre-decorated.) What now?

The Mari party gathers at about midday. That’s the Mari herself, plus others – it varies who, but classically, I think they dressed up as Punch and Judy characters, those being the mischievous comedy extravaganza of the day. Then they start at one end of the village and go to the first house, where they sing Cân y Fari. That’s a bit like yelling ‘Trick or treat’, except rather than asking for sweets, they’re after delicious alcohol and cheese (side note: Wales’ relationship with cheese goes beyond Peak White Person and out the other side into What Is Wrong With You People. We have myths and folklore about it. It is Very Important.)

Now, the house holders do not want to give away their delicious alcohol and cheese, and so at this point, they begin something called the Pwnco (the ‘w’ is pronounced like the ‘oo’ in ‘book’, while the ‘o’ is short like in ‘hot’.) The Pwnco is, like… sort of like a rap battle? But sung. But that’s the idea. It’s beautifully poetic, and almost always opens with the same very nice verse, to whit:

Wel dyma ni’n diwad (Well here we come)
Gyfeillion diniwad (Innocent friends)
I ofyn am gennad (To ask leave)
I ofyn am gennad (To ask leave)
I ofyn am gennad i ganu (To ask leave to sing)

which you can hear a bit of here; I filmed that in Llangynnwyd. But, it’s very much a “So’s your FACE” type of thing. The householders tell the Mari to get straight to fuck, and then the Mari responds in kind. And they go back and forth until one side loses.

Now, if the Mari loses, she goes to the next house. But if the householders lose, they have to let her in and give her their delicious alcohol and cheese. IMPORTANT STEP, HOWEVER: if they have a bare ounce of sense between them, they first make her promise to behave before letting her past the door. Because if they don’t, HA HA all hell breaks loose, and the party do as much mischief as they can, like smearing ash on your walls and stealing your goats and mixing your white laundry in with your colours and hiding your drawing tablet pens. It is a Riot.

Anyway, once done, they leave the tattered ruins of your former house, go to the next house, and start again. More delicious alcohol and cheese!

It all got banned by the Welsh Non-Conformist Church of No Fun ever, because rival Mari parties would get blind drunk and then fight each other in the streets. It started to die out in the 50s, though some smaller villages kept it going – Llangynnwyd never even stopped. And in the last two decades it’s started making a resurgence in places like Brecon, Llantrisant, etc – tonnes of places in the belt between Vale and mountains, really, which makes me think it’s because the Folk Museum is in St Ffagans. 

But Chepstow do a modern twist – the town is right on the border with England, so they do a festival of Welsh Mari Lwyd and English morris dancing combined in mid-January each year. Turns out, every goddamn Mari in the country comes to it, too, which is why this year I got to see 24 Mari Lwyds. I had NO IDEA. So, so many Maris…

It also used to sometimes get mixed in with other festive cheese-begging traditions like Calennig, but it is pretty much separate. As a final question: why do it? Well… we dunno. The purpose of the uppity skeletal horse beast is unknown at this point. Like I say, it may well have been a Rhiannon thing; given the way it got folded into some Christian things post-Reformation, it may have absorbed some form of fleeing-on-a-donkey-to-give-birth stuff. It’s hard to even nail down distribution patterns. But, something I find interesting about its distribution is that it was predominantly done in areas that either mined, smelted or sold minerals a lot. Make of that what you will.

And, that’s the Mari Lwyd.

post-woman:

grandmastattoo:

as a nonbinary person I shall only be posting my left titty which is my boy titty, and not the right one which is the horrid unclean girl titty, this is as tumblr has decreed

none binary with left titty

one-time-i-dreamt:

one-time-i-dreamt:

one-time-i-dreamt:

coccineusrosso:

one-time-i-dreamt:

I’ve been a changed person since I found out that all of Santa’s reindeer are gals

they’re wHAT NOW

gals, theY’RE GALS

male reindeer shed their antlers at the end of mating season (early December), while females keep theirs during the winter

and what do Santa’s reindeer have?

ANTLERS

I

bunjywunjy:

it’s officially the end of the week and boy howdy it’s time for a new Weird Biology article. this week’s subject is a sharp Indiana Jones tribute with a permanently adorable expression of existential dread. 

I just want to pat it on the dorsal fin and tell it everything is gonna be okay, it’s the-

DID I LEAVE THE OVEN ON

the Bigeye Thresher Shark is a mediumish shark that can grow up to 13 feet long, fully half of which is taken up by its ridiculous sickle-shaped tail. that’s like, almost 7 feet of tail alone. jesus. it’s like if when God was handing out tails to animalkind, the Thresher Shark kept sneaking back into line and no one noticed.

these sharks usually weigh in at about 350 pounds, putting them firmly in the “do not wrestle this animal for any reason” category. (most modern sharks are in this category! except for the Wobbegong. go ahead, fight a Wobbegong. it probably deserves it.)

but the Bigeye Thresher Shark does not. please be kind, he is frightened!

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are sleek, vaguely torpedo shaped, and bright metallic purple. it’s like a pool toy came to life and decided to try an existence that didn’t involve being gnawed on by toddlers.

but seriously, Bigeye Thresher Sharks are held as some of the most beautiful of all sharks! (though all sharks are beautiful on the inside.) while they’re alive, anyway. the second a Bigeye Thresher Shark expires, its bright colors fade to a dull lifeless grey. like Optimus Prime in that one movie that ruined your childhood. you know the one I’m talking about.

scientists still aren’t sure why this graying-out occurs, but theories include that it’s because these sharks are a bunch of fucking divas.

or they just don’t want people to use them for a 101 Bigeye Threshers sharkskin coat, which is understandable.

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are found in tropical and temperate waters around the world, even the Mediterranean Sea! they avoid shallow coastal waters and their throngs of tourists, sticking to the open ocean. this is important because Bigeye Threshers do a lot of deep diving, even for a shark. (or maybe they just really hate tourists.)

the Bigeye Thresher Sharks spend their nights close to the surface, swimming around dreaming little shark dreams. but when the sun rises, they dive over 1,500 feet down into the water column to hunt. I guess even sharks have a morning commute.

no coffee for sharks, though.

aside from the massive farm-equipment tail, Bigeye Thresher Sharks are noted for the gigantic anime eyeballs which gave them their name. and it’s no joke- these honkin big look-spheres can be nearly four inches across! THAT’S RIDICULOUS. 

the Bigeye Thresher Shark uses these big ol’ peepers to spot prey in the dark depths of the ocean. the squid think they can hide, but they cannot. the Bigeye Thresher Shark is an accurate and devastating hunter who can chase down fish, squid, smaller sharks, and fucking seabirds with speed and precision. 

it’s a trade off for the whole Battle Angel Alita look.

but I’ve saved the best for last! it’s time to finally disclose what that ridiculous tail is for, and why it deserves a Grim Reaper reference. well, it’s very simple- that super-long tail is basically a biological bullwhip. 

and maybe that doesn’t sound so threatening! but in this case, the Bigeye Thresher Shark cracks its tail like a whip towards a school of fish hard enough to cause a fucking underwater shockwave, which basically liquifies any small animals unlucky enough to be in the way. it completely fucking obliterates those poor fish, who never asked for this and probably have families.

it takes “shooting fish in a barrel” to a whole new level, that’s for damn sure.

after commiting mass fish homicide with its overpowered nuke of a tail, the Bigeye Thresher Shark is free to scoot around and vacuum up the dead and dying fish. success! this strategy is so effective that there are even stories of Bigeye Thresher Sharks using it against birds. no word on whether this is true or not, but I mean, it sounds like it COULD be. (and they do actually eat birds! so.)

it’s easy to see why the shark puts up with having a stupidly long and unwieldly tail; the AoE attack makes it MORE than worth it. 

it’s their up B special.

it’s because of this attack style that Bigeye Thresher Sharks are so widespread. but unfortunately, these incredible sharks actually do have a reason for making that terrified face: they’re under threat from human activity and listed as Vulnerable.

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are often caught accidentally or even on purpose by longlines, even though they pose no threat to humans. (except looking really weird, anyway.) these thresh princes of the sea need legal protections, and they need it soon. what other sea animal are we going to make Indiana Jones jokes about? sea cucumbers? come on.

THROW ME THE IDOL, I’LL MURDER A BUNCH OF FISH WITH THE WHIP.

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- FisheriesAquaculture, Twitter img2- Gray FishTag Research img3- Pelagic Shark Research Foundation img4- BBC img5- Defenders Of Wildlife Blog img6- Adventure Sports Network img7- Majadi Wall img8- yandex.ru

velociraptor-of-the-year:

frogparty:

oceanicgf:

frogparty:

the real question is how the fuck did persephone only manage to eat 6 pomegranate seeds. theyre like the fucking cocaine of fruit you cant eat just 6 singular seeds you have to pop handfuls upon handfuls into ur mouth at rapid speeds and then get sad cause you spent half an hour getting them out of the pomegranate and ate all of them in 5 minutes

are you ok

pomy granite

I once gave myself an ulcer from eating a pomegranate every day for a week. they’re still my favorite fruit